Marley & Me & Joe

Last night after I got the boys to bed (technically I only get Casey to bed -- Grandma puts Mace to bed; I'm not sure what I'll do when Grandma leaves in a couple of weeks to go to San Diego -- not only will I have to put both my children to bed every night for a week, I will also have to cook all the meals, make the lunches for school, and get the coffee ready the night before so that it starts brewing before we get up; who am I kidding? There's no way that coffee will get made the night before . . .) Joe was watching Marley & Me on Cinemax. I didn't really want to watch that movie because when all my friends went to see the movie when it was in the movie theaters, they all posted status updates on Facebook while they were still in the movie that were all a variation of "Aaaagh! I am bawling watching this movie with snot running out of my nose and grown men are sobbing around me!!" So notwithstanding the fact that it was only a month ago that we had to have Chance put down, I knew that watching that movie would only end with me weeping and pulling my hair out. But on my way from the master bathroom to the bedroom door I got sucked in by the movie and couldn't stop watching -- ten minutes later, Joe said, "Why are you standing there?" I said, "Because I don't want to watch this movie." "Yes," he said, "I can see you don't want to watch it. Just sit down."

Had I known that so many scenes in that movie mirrored so much of our life with Chance I would have run from the room, but I didn't and an hour later when I was curled up in a ball spasming with grief and spewing snot, Joe just gave me a pat and said, "Well that was rough." My husband is not known for lengthy comforting speeches in moments of sadness, but I have to share something with you that he may never forgive me for, but you will love Flamingo Joe and want him for your very own after I tell you this:

We had to put Chance down the day before Thanksgiving and we both knew that neither of us could do it by ourselves, so we went together to the vet and held the dog while the vet searched for several minutes for a vein that wasn't collapsed so she could put the needle in. And when Chance slipped away it was so awful to know he just wasn't there anymore -- so horrible. I was a mess. So we left the vet and went home -- me sobbing all the way and Joe just completely silent. After we'd been home for half an hour or so I noticed Joe wasn't around so I asked Grandma if he'd gone to the store or something. She said no, Joe had said he wasn't feeling well and had gone upstairs to lie down. I thought to myself, "Oh no, on top of this horrible day with the dog, now Joe is getting sick and will have a horrible Thanksgiving." So I went upstairs to check on him. I sat on the edge of the bed and put my hand on his back and said, "Are you okay? Your mom said you weren't feeling good. What hurts?" And he said, "Just my heart."

I miss that dog so much I couldn't even bear to post a blog about him until now. I'd love to get another English Setter one day, but it will have to wait until Grandma gets back from San Diego -- she takes care of feeding the dog.