The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Now you may be one of those Floridians who pines for colder weather when the holidays roll around, wishing it was cold enough to snuggle up in front of a fire with the tree all lit up (in a monochromatic lighting scheme, of course), the snowflakes drifting sweetly down onto a white lawn outside (like ashes from a burning stump). You might long for snowmen, scarves and mittens, hot cocoa with marshmallows. Florida winters are okay come January, but for you, Christmas should be cold, with snow. People should be shopping for gifts at great risk to their personal safety, navigating black ice on the roads, risking frostbite to get the last Skydiving Triple Lindy Elmo doll.

But if you didn't live in Florida, you would miss that certain something that Florida brings to the holiday season. You would miss palm trees wrapped in white lights and flamingos with little Santa hats. You would miss mannequins dressed as angels chained to flagpoles:


See, in Florida, this is a perfectly acceptable Christmas decoration. It embodies the Florida approach to holidays in general -- fun and festive with a slightly trashy edge. What, you don't think this is trashy? Well I admit she's not decked out in three different colors and styles of lights, but:


She sure enough ain't wearing a bra.